What.

I'm in such a strange place. 

In love. 

For real?

Yet alone.

Why. 

I'm currently, and constantly, learning faith. 

Faith to fully and completely trust God.  

And I do. 

Can I miss him and still have faith?

I'm honestly afraid. 

He says he loves me. 

Yet... we're not "together." 

And I've heard those three words before...

"I love you."

I've heard them, and felt their effect. 

Those words feel great - until the person drops you like a fly. 

Until, they forget about you, 

move on, 

or simply don't care anymore.

That's when those three words echo in your heart,

and burn straight up flesh wounds

that paralyze your ability to believe and trust.

And have faith. 

*sigh*

I'm afraid.

I'm afraid he'll forget me. 

I'm afraid he won't care. 

I'm afraid he'll move on. 

Why do I care?

Well.. because I love him, too. 

We have done this entire thing backwards; 

-Meet for the first time

-Relationship

-Breakup

-Become friends

-Fall in love

Does that mean something?

Does it not?

 Why are my thoughts constantly on him...

That's unhealthy...

Right?

I trust God. I do. 

I know He has great things planned. 

I also know it's all in HIS time.

Not mine. 

I must be patient. My time is not yet here. 

So what do I do about this boy?

No, this man?

Is it wrong to feel so strongly about someone 

over 3,000 miles away who I can only hope and pray I'll see again?

With no commitment to each other, there's no obligation. 

Well, other than love. 

That's a strong obligation, right?

I'd like to say I'm confused, 

but I'm not. 

I'd like to say I'm stressed. 

but I'm not. 

I'd like to say...

Goodnight. To you. 

Please text me back. 

ok.

Perfect lyrics.

Happiness

Did I really just meet someone who makes me feel this way?

"You can't know, oh no

you can't know

how much I think about you, no

It's making my head spin

Looking at you

and you're looking at me

and we both know what we want

hmmm, so close to giving in.

Feels so nice

Oh yeah, you feel so nice

wish I could spend the night

but I can't pay the price

oh no, no

But I'm flying so high

high off the ground

when you're around

And I can feel your high

rocking me inside

it's too much to hide.

I know, oh yes

I know that we can't be together

but, I just like to dream

It's so strange

the way our paths have crossed

how we were brought together

Hmmm, it's written in the stars it seems

Feels so nice

oh yeah, you feel so nice

I'd love to spend the night

but I can't pay the price

oh no, no...

Back to earth

where did you take me to

I know there's no such thing

as painless love

well I'll catch us up

and we can never win

but ohhh

I feel so alive

ohhh

just wanna hold you so tight.

And I'm flying so high

high off the ground

when you're around

And I can feel your high

touching me inside

and it's too much to hide

And I'm flying so high

high off the ground

when you're around."

The Wind Blows

Today marks 5 months.

Ironically it's my father's birthday.

Can't lie and say I don't think about him occasionally,

because I do.

But overall... I think I'm ok.

I'm lonely, but it's good.

I think.

I need to breathe again.

-

"I got to breathe,

you can't take that from me,

I can finally say we're through, 

I'll leave when the wind blows..."

Only in Greece

 After 4  months, 

I gave in to my inner, urging desire and sent him a message. 

Do I regret it?

I'm still not sure. 

*sigh*

 I  may have just shot myself in the foot,
but isn't it better to say what's on your mind rather than holding it in?
Hm.
Wish I knew.

Always said I wanted to go to Greece.
Always said if I vanished, I'd be in Greece.
Come find me in Greece.
 I also always asked him if we could run away to Greece.
His reply was always the same, but I still want to escape.
To Greece.
______________________________________________________________


"When you gonna stop breaking my heart
I don't wanna be another one
Paying for the things I never done
Don't let go
Don't let go,
to my love
....
My love is dying inside
I can fix all those lies
But baby, baby I run, but I'm running to you
You won't see me cry, I'm hiding inside
My heart is in pain but I'm smiling for you..."

Tired

Why.The.Hell.Do.I.Miss.Him.So.Much.

I can't pull myself together tonight. 

I feel so alone. 

But why?!

I'm tired of this. 

A good day here, a bad night there. 

NO.

I wanna get off the see-saw, climb back up the ladder and finally slide down the slide into a refreshing pool.

_____________________________

They say for every year you dated, that's how many months it'll take to get over the relationship. 

I have a feeling it's going to take much more than four months to get over him. 

I still love him.

cheat

Sometimes I cheat.

And look at his facebook page. 

Although we aren't facebook friends anymore, I can still see most of his site because his isn't set on private like mine is. 

Today I saw his latest album. 

He's growing out his hair. 

[which is something I alway wished he would do]

He's taking much more pictures. 

[which is something I always asked him to do]

He's taking his pictures using the same style as I do.

[which is something that interests me]

I, on the other hand, 

Am not changing anything about my appearance.

Am taking a signifigant less amount of pictures. 

Am trying to switch up my photography style.

i don't know what's going through his head. 

i wish i knew what was going through my own. 

Maybe someday I'll understand.

And know the truth. 

Do I believe him? Or everyone else?

I chose to believe my heart; him.

Someday, I will understand. 

"I am here to stay"

"My tired heart is beating slow...

we do not know...

it is not said I always know...

You can't catch me,

though you run, you run...

the fire's here to stay...

it is not said I always know...

The wonder of it all,

I am here to stay, I am here to stay,

Stay."

mixed emotions

Reminded

I'm reminded...

When people around me are going through break-ups, heart-aches, and painful truths, I'm reminded that although the distance may break us up, my heart may ache for him to be close, and the truth of him being far away may be painful - at least we're together.

Going strong. In it for the long run. Each other's best friends.   

I know I can rely on him. I know I can trust him.

And I know that when I see him next, no time will be wasted.

Distance may be painful, but it's better than being full of pain from the one you love.

I am loved :)

And that makes all the difference.

4 Year Anniversary

That was us 4 years ago....

Today...we're still together :)

Maybe someday this distance will come to an end.

I love you <3

Happy 4 year anniversary, gabko =)

Look Up

We may not be on the same continent, but we are under the same sky.

Look up.

I'm thinking of you. I love you.

"Whenever you feel a warm breeze brush against you, that's the kiss I blew to you."