Sunday, January 23, 2011


I'm in such a strange place. 
In love. 
For real?
Yet alone.

I'm currently, and constantly, learning faith. 
Faith to fully and completely trust God.  
And I do. 
Can I miss him and still have faith?
I'm honestly afraid. 

He says he loves me. 
Yet... we're not "together." 
And I've heard those three words before...
"I love you."
I've heard them, and felt their effect. 
Those words feel great - until the person drops you like a fly. 

Until, they forget about you, 
move on, 
or simply don't care anymore.

That's when those three words echo in your heart,
and burn straight up flesh wounds
that paralyze your ability to believe and trust.
And have faith. 

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid he'll forget me. 
I'm afraid he won't care. 
I'm afraid he'll move on. 

Why do I care?
Well.. because I love him, too. 

We have done this entire thing backwards; 
-Meet for the first time
-Become friends
-Fall in love

Does that mean something?
Does it not?
 Why are my thoughts constantly on him...
That's unhealthy...

I trust God. I do. 
I know He has great things planned. 
I also know it's all in HIS time.
Not mine. 

I must be patient. My time is not yet here. 
So what do I do about this boy?
No, this man?

Is it wrong to feel so strongly about someone 
over 3,000 miles away who I can only hope and pray I'll see again?

With no commitment to each other, there's no obligation. 
Well, other than love. 
That's a strong obligation, right?

I'd like to say I'm confused, 
but I'm not. 
I'd like to say I'm stressed. 
but I'm not. 
I'd like to say...
Goodnight. To you. 
Please text me back.